things don't always turn out the way you want them too..

I've found out that, all I can do right now in my life is just keep breathing. Everything seems to be going wrong & no one understands what i'm having to deal with. If you want to judge me, go ahead but you don't need to spread it all over the internet. I find that cruel & harsh to do to someone, but maybe that's just my opinion. This school is driving me insane & I'm not sure how much more pain & hurt I can go through, haven't I been through enough without all of this? Most of the people in this school don't realize how much loss i've had & how much ive been put through in my short 15, years of life.. My uncle Steve who was like the dad I never had.. got in a four wheeler accident when I was really young. My aunt tells me I used to stand over his grave & scream "Get him out of there!" I guess I didn't understand either.. Then in 2007 my grandfather Leslie passed away of prostate cancer... that was a hard hit against me.. he was the rock that everyone in my family stood on, & prayed for. THEN; when I thought the pain was finally waring down; February 22nd 2008 rolled around. That day, was like non-other, until I found my mother dead in her bed.. The images in my head.. haunt me. follow me. and never go away. I will never ever be the same again, because of that one day. The thing that I guess I don't understand is, WHY. WHY. WHY. WHY. WHY. WHY. I NEED her.. I want her.. I miss her.. I Love her.. I can't stand being away from her.. but hey, it's over. there is nothing that will change anything. She is gone forever, & i will miss her until we meet again..