things don't always turn out the way you want them too..

I've found out that, all I can do right now in my life is just keep breathing. Everything seems to be going wrong & no one understands what i'm having to deal with. If you want to judge me, go ahead but you don't need to spread it all over the internet. I find that cruel & harsh to do to someone, but maybe that's just my opinion. This school is driving me insane & I'm not sure how much more pain & hurt I can go through, haven't I been through enough without all of this? Most of the people in this school don't realize how much loss i've had & how much ive been put through in my short 15, years of life.. My uncle Steve who was like the dad I never had.. got in a four wheeler accident when I was really young. My aunt tells me I used to stand over his grave & scream "Get him out of there!" I guess I didn't understand either.. Then in 2007 my grandfather Leslie passed away of prostate cancer... that was a hard hit against me.. he was the rock that everyone in my family stood on, & prayed for. THEN; when I thought the pain was finally waring down; February 22nd 2008 rolled around. That day, was like non-other, until I found my mother dead in her bed.. The images in my head.. haunt me. follow me. and never go away. I will never ever be the same again, because of that one day. The thing that I guess I don't understand is, WHY. WHY. WHY. WHY. WHY. WHY. I NEED her.. I want her.. I miss her.. I Love her.. I can't stand being away from her.. but hey, it's over. there is nothing that will change anything. She is gone forever, & i will miss her until we meet again..

Bloggings about venting right?

Honestly, i know no one reads this.. but i have to vent somehow someway. The inner pain is the worst kind, sure needles & bruises hurt.. but not as bad as this. Love is something that can either make or break a person, & right now i feel as though it's breaking me. I guess part of me doesn't understand why families can't always be together, forever.. but the other part realizes that people need to go their separate ways sometimes. To some people Virginia might not seem that far away, but to me it's a world away. The one I love the MOST is in that state..& I honestly can't stand having her that far away.. it kills me inside.. I only want one thing, and that one thing is to be with her.. but i can't have it. :'-(

VIRGINIA!

So basically, it's been quite a while since i've written on this thing. I just wanted to tell yall about my trip down to Virginia. It was STRESSFUL no doubt, flying as an unaccompanied minor is no fun at all. I recomend waiting until you're 15 to fly alone. The way down wasn't too bad because I did not have a layover in NY and one of my flight attendants actually spoke good English. I was so nervious, i'm pretty sure words would not even be able to explain how scared I was. Number one, I was on a plane over a thousand feet in the air & number two, I was headed to see family I hadn't ever been close to until February before I went. This trip was basically just a test to see if I could make it down there without having someone to take care of me 24/7...obviously I made it alright & I enjoyed it aswell. When I got there my cousin Hope picked me up at the gate and I gave her a huge hug even though I was still scared because I hadn't gotten to know them very well. It was an akward hug, but as the week progressed I knew I wanted to be down there forever with the ones I love. A lot of laughs, and a week later I knew I had to go home.. as much as I didn't want to. Three AM on June 30th, I was awoken by my cousin & we both got ready to go to the Airport.. This day actually still depresses me thinking about it.. Needless to say, we both cried when we had to be seperated.. I never knew I could cry from Richmond Virginia to New York but I did it. When I got into Laugardia Airport I had an hour and a half layover & they decided since I was an unaccompanied minor that they'd stick me in a little back room with coloring books until I got on my other plane.. was NOT impressed with that one. But, all in all, it was a great trip & im going back summer 2011. NO DOUBT! :)

i'm sorry.

I got my school laptop taken away, for a reason i would rather not write all over the internet. sorry if i inconvinienced you. :p

Vacation.

VACATION..=OVER.. daaang.. now, only like 49 days of school left & only 59 days until i leave for VIRGINIA! :D

...

..Well, I doubt anyone reads these, so I question myself why i'm writing them anyways.. <3

some people, honestly.

Have you ever just been so mad that it makes you want to scream? Well, that is currently how I feel. Some people honestly just get to me..Who do they think they are posting information about me all over the internet, i'm pretty sure I deffinately did not aprove of this at all. I don't think i've ever hated anything as much at I hate Winslow High School...& the people in it, no joke. I'm just in the venting mood, i'm sorry if im boring you. I need new topics to blog about. Comment with idea's! :)
Oh, & BTW, today my grandmother & I ventured on a wonderful trip into Augusta's Walmart..haha. She had knee surgery last Wednesday & can't walk on it, so had to have a buggy. I was okay with that, until she started acting like an idiot, running over my feet & backing up saying "I have a back up beeper!" I honestly thought I was shopping with a four year old. haha. Let's just say I threatened her with a blue frying pan. (jokingly) & I was ready to leave...It's a real good thing I love her. :D